The Table Turns
After I had finished listening to this new found message, I took a while and thought about what I would write, and of course prayed about what I was going to write.
In my prayer I made it clear that I belonged to God, and that by his power I was saved. I don’t care to go into great detail, because it was something between him and me. However, just in case there is someone reading this right now that is suffering from the same thing I’ve written about here, the important thing is that you believe what you are writing. Consider it a binding contract between you and God, don’t just write it just to be writing it.
It wasn’t long after finishing my prayer, the one I’d written in the bible, that I felt an odd sensation overcome me. My body felt chills and I felt as though the hole inside of me was being closed.
There was no doubt in my mind that this preacher I had heard was a messenger from God, and held and delivered the answer I had wanted for so long. The sensation was completely opposite from how it felt so many years earlier when it first occurred.
Finally after years of torment, and endless barrages of voices in my head, it had come to an end, and I was free again. I can not describe my happiness, for I do not believe it can be shared in words. Need less to say, I was born again, and I was in high spirits. All those times I had doubted my faith, and the power of conversation with God, seemed so foolish at that point.
My social life improved, and my grades wasn’t so hard to keep good, but the lack of the voices was a change, and one that it would take me time to get used to. It was strange to be sitting there and not have the bickering in my head, and not have to strain to hear my own thoughts, but it was a good strange.
I got to enjoy the imaginative journey of a good book, something that I’d always failed at up until that point. The clear mind gave room for the stories, and for my mind to bring about their worlds in full blown color, it was indeed wonderful.
Years went by where I was free of the voices, and I got to live my life as I saw fit. Now what I saw fit after all that I had been through was not exactly the fit that everyone else seen.
I was a very anti-social teenager, and my dark clothes didn’t really help my cause. I’m not blaming the voices for this though, I suppose I’d always been a solo kind of person, but I do believe the dark clothes were perhaps a type of reflection of my past. A way for me to show the world my past pains without making them verbal.
As is normally the case however, nothing good ever lasts for ever, and that would be the case with me as well.
I had managed to date a few people throughout my high school days, and had I known what it would eventually lead to, I’m not sure I’d ever bothered. Most of the dating was simple enough, I was a very picky person so none of them ever really amounted to much, but as Adam was taken in by Eve, so was I by a girl.
A girl that would in time reopen the doors of torment within, and chain them open to never close. She was the catalyst to the next phase of my life, a phase that would in comparison, make me desire the voices back in exchange for it having never occurred.
THE TRUE BATTLE
(I’ll be releasing the next and last parts of my journal soon. Please check back often, and share the word of my battle with others. Thanks to my inner turmoil, writing although a joy of mine, can sometimes take a while. I will however do my best to finish in a timely manner.)
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